Things to know before dropping off single status
Admit it, you had dates when you felt like the heroine of a rom-com: he is better than a photo in Tinder, he radiates sex, damn charismatic, funny jokes, sincerely listens, and you are with your whole body – from the tip of your nose to the ji-point – you feel such chemistry boil between you that you are not averse to indulging in unrestrained kisses without leaving the bar stool.
The best thing about successful dates (other than the temptation to believe in real men again) is that they awaken the hope of love at first sight, which lasts longer than a few cocktails or fiery meetings. The rainbow development of events unfolds in the imagination so vividly that one cannot wait to throw away any doubts.
Be that as it may, experienced experts advise not to rush with dreams of a happy future. If you really want a serious relationship and not a brief affair, it will take at least five weeks to determine the real compatibility. The romantic and everyday experience gained during this indicative period will prompt answers to important questions, which, in turn, will determine the prospects of your novel. Want to know what these questions are?
1. How do you communicate and how open are you to each other?
Sexting, sharing flirtatious emojis, cute words, declarations of love – all this is great, but are you satisfied with your communication outside of jokes and hearts? How honest and open are you in conversations? Are you discussing how you feel? Talk to each other about your concerns? What do you want from a relationship? What would you like to change? Is he able to listen when you need to speak out without mentoring or loading with advice? Let’s say you value his opinion, and he? Respect yours?
“Of the basic building blocks of successful alliances, the ability to speak is essential,” explains a relations specialist. It is very important to pay attention to how you and your new partner communicate in the first weeks. The ability to dialogue is the main mark of compatibility, which determines the degree of affection, the ability to listen to each other, understand and accept personal needs. “
2. How do you overcome conflicts?
Even during the honeymoon stage, you will likely have disagreements. According to psychologists, arguments and even fights are good for developing relationships and can bring you closer together – provided you are objective in expressing your opinions and do not fall into emotional extremes.
“Most couples avoid conflicts early on, but my advice is to try the relationship in spat,” insists a specialist. Arguing is a useful skill that can be learned through practice, and the sooner you begin to defend your points of view, the sooner you will understand how you resolve disagreements. Are you hot-tempered and is he too soft? He believes that he is always right, and you give in? He avoids controversy, and you need to throw out your emotions? Do not shy away from the opportunity to practice advocacy and find out what he is in the dispute. “
3. How compatible are you sexually?
This point is very important if you do not want to switch intimate relationships into tolerance mode, for some reason accepting sex without pleasure. Of course, it can be awkward the first time around, and it may take a few tries to figure out how good you are together. However, you shouldn’t let the situation take its course, ignoring the fact that there is a huge difference between sex that can get better and chronically unsuccessful.
“Many couples underestimate the importance of sex in the first weeks of a relationship, delaying dialogue about what is going wrong and what they really enjoy. The truth is, by ignoring the difficulty of making love, you are opposing your own needs. If you want to truly enjoy each other, a sincere exchange of information is essential, ”explains the expert.
4. How do you deal with stress?
There is no escape from stress – it fills life in one way or another. Take, for example, the nervous moments at the beginning of a relationship – first dates or getting ready for a vacation together. And, rest assured, if you are planning to be together seriously and for a long time, you will face much more stressful situations – from planning a wedding and having a child to discussing common expenses and buying an apartment.
“The sooner you know how your partner deals with stress, the better,” says an expert. – Does he give all the best in the gym, hang out in front of the TV, lean on donuts, smoke something forbidden? Consider if you canYou have to put up with what your boyfriend is doing to restore calm and how he feels about your anti-anxiety measures. ”
5. Do you have common goals and values?
Let’s say you have wonderful sex and you get along in everything, but if you do not share common values, happiness together runs the risk of being stuck in the stage of an unattainable dream. Differences in lifestyle, educational level, religious views, plans for the future can seriously affect the compatibility of a couple.
“You may not want to bring up these topics during the first weeks, because they sound too serious, but by pretending that they do not exist, you are doing yourself a disservice,” says the psychologist. – Without forcing, but not putting them on the back burner, introduce them into everyday conversations. Don’t worry in advance – if this is just as important to your partner, he will take the initiative and adapt to such discussions. Just be sure to listen to each other respecting the principles you are used to following. “