A psychologist answers
We deal with a psychologist, which kills mutual attraction in a long relationship.
Sex is a pleasant activity around which, according to Freud, the world revolves, especially if you have just discovered his joy in addition to great and bright love. However, judging by the statistics of specialists working with sexual problems, many couples lose mutual attraction over the years of living together. There is little good in this trend, since the lack of sex affects the duration of the relationship, and therefore sexologists try to find reasons to return their former passion to couples whose sexual activity has faded.
Sex is one of the most delicate topics for conversation. Even those who are used to being frank about their personal life are embarrassed when it comes to the intimate side of their everyday life. “As an experienced psychologist and sexologist, I am both amazed and not surprised when couples who have lived together for a long time wonder why they stopped having sex. -an expert. – Based on experience, I can admit that the key factor in reducing libido in a couple is the lack of frank dialogue.
In an attempt to help those who are afraid to touch upon a complex topic, but want to understand why they no longer want sex, Dr. Greenberg compiled a list of the most common reasons, compiled on the basis of the confessions of those couples who gained courage and opened up to it over the years of practice.
#1. DIFFERENT VIEWS
A problem that, according to the sexologist, kills mutual attraction faster than others. The difference in upbringing is not a dilemma of the popular series, but a reality faced by many of those who started living together by the will of violent passion. Choosing a life partner is a serious act in which you should use not only the heart and erogenous zones, but also the head to thoughtfully assess the similarity of your views. Different ideas about life, prosperity, cultural, communication and sexual requests will inevitably become a topic for quarrels or omissions, and subsequently cause the loss of physical craving for each other.
#2. PARTNERSHIP IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN SEX
In this case, you most likely approached your union too practically. There is nothing wrong with the calculation relationship if you are ready to give up quality sex and natural chemistry that precedes it. The decline in libido can occur over time – when the effect of novelty passes and the desire to depict a harmonious pair recedes. In a year, five or ten years, you are still together and, although there is no romance, the family is a family, and too much has been made to part so easily. Or maybe you are really the perfect team and the closest friends in the world, and this is more precious to you than sex, which, if it sleeps, can be found on the side.
#3. DISSATISFACTION WITH YOUR OWN BODY
It is not known where this unpleasant feeling came from – maybe you never liked your reflection in the mirror, or maybe you purchased this complex by gaining weight after the second birth. When you are embarrassed to appear before a cute naked, the desire to have sex disappears because of the fear of disappointing your partner with your appearance and shame imposed on yourself. The quality of sex directly depends on inner freedom, and vice versa – the desire disappears if you do not accept yourself as it is.
#4. EXHAUSTION – PHYSICAL OR MORAL
Anxiety and fatigue negatively affect sexual desire. Chronic stress is one of the main reasons why everyone (or one) in a couple does not want sex. If your head goes around from an abundance of work tasks, everyday problems, taking care of children and/or aging parents, it is difficult to switch to sex as you want. Especially when twilight thickens and all you really want is to fall face into the pillow and fall asleep.
#5. DISCOMFORT DURING SEX
Everyone in a couple can experience it, but more often women complain about unpleasant sensations. Of course, this is an occasion to see a doctor, but it is also necessary to talk to your partner. Joint search for a way out of the situation – for example, mastering new poses or buying a lubricant – will help to prolong the life of your sex.
Lack of novelty and monotony affects sex dryingly, and your love withers year after year. If you don’t want to want sex, experiment together and separately. Try new techniques, buy sex toys, watch porn, after all – routine does not excite anyone.
#7. LACK OF TRUST AFTER TREASON
You have found the strength to reconcile after (his or your) treason and start everything from scratch. However, the problem of trust, like a double-edged sword from medieval novels, divides you while you lie in the same bed. Two approaches will help: constant and frank dialogue or regular meetings with a psychologist.
#8. POOR HYGIENE
You don’t have to go into details here, but you won’t be able to ignore the problem. Imagine that you or your partner stopped taking a regular shower and brushing your teeth before going to bed. And if you no longer want sex, it would be strange to expect a different development.
And resentment or anger are emotions that are very indirect to making love. If you often conflict, in the end it will certainly affect your sexual life. Anyone who is angry with a loved one hardly wants to make physical contact with him – except in a fit of sensual fractures that are worth talking about with a specialist.
#10. FEAR OF FRANK DIALOGUE
Turning to a partner and touching upon a sensitive topic is a bold step that not everyone is capable of. Why a woman, being in a couple, avoids sex or why a man stopped wanting sex – it’s not easy to admit even to herself, regardless of gender. Both he and she are afraid of what they may hear and that the other will not find the courage to admit: they worry that their beloved does not want her/him anymore or, God forbid, has found/found someone else. “Having read this list and found something similar in your relationship, I strongly advise you to gather your will in your fist and talk to your partner. Silence about sex is not gold,” convinces Dr. greenberg. – If there is no conversation, try to arrange a visit to a psychologist without first mentioning the term “sexologist”. Fortunately, these problems can be solved if both are set up for positive changes in the pair.”