What You Need To Know Before Rekindling A Relationship With An Ex

How things might unfold when you start dating again

Probably, this happened to you too – a spontaneous desire to send a text to an ex, which turns into dinner at a restaurant, going to the movies or going out of town to visit mutual friends. And then once – and you again wake up together. “What’s next?” – a natural question that you silently ask each other, meeting eyes.

Then everything depends on you. You can pretend that nothing special happened, say goodbye and mix what happened in the daily routine – in fact, you are modern people. You can also start over. Yes, this is probably for sensitive weaklings, but what is it, if not love, since you want to be together again?


This is not uncommon at all. People often start relationships after months or even years of separation, and such relationships have a unique advantage. “You already know what attracts you to this person, what joys and problems will return to your life with him,” explains psychoanalyst, relationship specialist.

Besides, practice is a great thing. While you’re apart, you have a chance to realize your mistakes by meeting new people – on dates and beyond – and figure out who you are and what (whom) you want. As 28-year-old let’s call him James, who returned six years later to his school love, we’ll call her Rose, says he realized that the breakup saved him from obsessing over the ideal version of the romantic relationship that he considered the only right relationship when he was a teenager. They got married last year and are happy that they decided on a reunion.

However, the experience can both recreate and finally destroy what was and is between you. “It’s very important to consider what has changed for you and your ex-boyfriend,” advises a researcher and psychotherapist. — You must have clear answers to the questions: How has the situation evolved? What are you willing to give each other now? What have you learned and how will your experience help you avoid making past mistakes?”

Hannah, 30, says: “When Max and I decided to get back together, we acted like adults – we sat down and talked frankly. We discussed the past, our “stumbling blocks” and everything we wanted in the future. The big problem was that he had a business trip to another country – terribly promising, but for six months. Trying to get our connection back while we were apart seemed like a mission impossible. In the end, they accepted the “come what may” version, and it drove me crazy – I did not want someone who had already disappeared from my life to leave again. But, to be honest, it was a reasonable option. We did not have such patience and mutual understanding when we were a couple in our student years. As frustrating as it was at first, endurance testing was decisive for the second attempt.”


Cool down time between a past relationship and a possible reunion is essential to avoid making the wrong decisions. “If you want to return the ex just because you got bored without attention and romance, you risk being left with nothing again,” an expert warns. “Starting with manipulative tricks is unlikely to strengthen relationships in the future.”

It’s also a bad idea to go back to your ex, because on your tenth bad tinder date, you suddenly realize that you hate dating strangers. “Reuniting with an ex can offset the stress of meeting someone new, but you’re unlikely to stick around for long,” says the expert. After all, you have already turned this page. Again, ask yourself, are you rekindling an old love because you avoid the hassle of meeting a new one? And in general, was this person so wonderful that he would be persecuted again?

However, risks are inevitable. It is possible that you will meet again, have a wonderful night like love, and the next day he will disappear from the radar. “Do not worry, there is a blessing in disguise – but you will no longer doubt that there were good reasons why you broke up,” concludes the expert.