Why you want to do it (at least) one more time before breaking up
If you like romantic comedies, then you have seen it more than once: when a couple agrees to break up, sex in the end turns out to be very hot. The idea of making love to mark the end of this very love is not very rational, but it is no less seductive for that.
Of course, break up sex can sow confusion in the soul. For example, if you left him, a violent passion “on the road” may mean the hope that you will rethink the breakup, although you did not have such thoughts. “Goodbye sex will not save a relationship,” confirms New York-based sex therapist Holly Richmond. “Even if that happens, your story will last a few weeks at the most.”
So why are parting couples pursuing the desire to make love, and is this a good idea? Let’s look into the details.
WHY DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE SEX GOODBYE?
Farewell sex means different things for everyone, but, in principle, it is explained by two romantic underpinnings of the basic instinct. “It’s like you’re celebrating all the good things you’ve experienced while you’ve been together,” explains Dr. Richmond. Breakups, with rare exceptions, occur for emotional rather than sexual reasons, and farewell intimacy is the icing on the cake, distracting from experienced troubles and negative moments.
If both partners understand why they can no longer be together and have agreed to leave (for example, they are moving to different cities or one wants to have children, and the other does not), farewell sex means only connection – for the last time. The intimacy complements the recognition of the fact: “Yes, I know this will not work, but I really love you.”
On the other hand, if the partner does not want the relationship to end by engaging in intimate contact, he may want to say: “Look how great we are doing! Are you sure you won’t regret it?” And it is not surprising that such an approach leads to sensual confusion.
WHAT EMOTIONS ACCOMPANY SUCH PROXIMITY?
If your boyfriend wants to save the relationship when you are ready to say goodbye, goodbye sex will prolong the emotional leap for him, adding to the experience a bunch of unnecessary questions like: “What was that?”.
Of course, sex is nice, and you will certainly be happy in the process and even after, but not for long. When you get dressed and undressed, you will probably be more embarrassed than before. There is also a chance to be ashamed if you were the initiator of the breakup, or, conversely, to feel that you were used. Both will certainly add to the experience.
IS IT WORTH TO MAKE LOVE “FINALLY”?
In the words of Dr. Richmond, for breakups that end in mutual understanding, “intimacy can be a beautiful and logical conclusion to a romance.” In the case when both partners agreed amicably (sounds too good to be true, but this really happens), the green light is declared for farewell love – such harmony cannot be spoiled by sex.
However, intimacy in the style of “I want you back” should be canceled without starting. Awareness of parting takes time, and an intimate attempt to drown out the pain of separation will only deepen heart wounds. The real good will not come from having sex with your ex, but when you decide to leave the relationship behind and move on. Excuse the pun, but by continuing to want what is not there, you will not be able to want something (and someone) else. If you don’t want to get stuck in a protracted goodbye, bring the plot of your rom-com to the next round – start a new series.