What is the limit of sincerity corresponds to true love
Honesty is not only about cheating, which you don’t want to know about, but you need to. Sometimes it becomes a problem to be constantly “in touch” when you report to each other about all the movements. Or choose a format not for the faint of heart: the so-called “emotional transparency”. This is when partners agree to lay out frankly everything that causes emotions – both positive and negative. And, by the way, not everyone is given the opportunity to move from theory to practice.
Such revelations seem excessive to me. Mainly because a cocktail with a fair amount of cynicism is constantly churning in my head, which, frankly, is wiser to keep to yourself. When I feel that epithets are asking for my tongue, which I will have to regret in the morning, I prefer to shut up, go to bed and then, if I don’t let go, speak out – reasonably and at a calm pace.
And this is not the only reason for skepticism about the notorious transparency. Real life example: a loved one wants you to accept him as he is, including bad habits and seething emotions. You like it – well done, what an open soul, we will move together towards a happy future. And he, without thinking twice, admits that he is still worried about the breakup with the former and even meets with her regularly, trying to close the gestalt. In addition, he explains in detail what exactly he feels at the same time. Yes, the urge looked noble, but not to the same extent.
No, really. If you love him, there aren’t many things you dislike, with the rare exception of confessions about an ex and how upset he is about their breakup.
On the other hand, sincerity is certainly good. The main thing here is to correctly read the signals in order to maintain a fair balance, characteristic of a serious relationship. If you want to tell him that you are worried because your friend went through chemotherapy or what exactly you did not like about your ex, and in response you hear “Let’s not talk about it”, keep in mind that something went wrong. The truth is that life is not a resort, but the sincerity offered by a partner often means the manifestation of manipulative behavior that serves one-sided interests.
In order not to fall into the hook of “skewed” sincerity, let’s figure out what the catch is.
WHAT HONESTY IS IN A RELATIONSHIP
Once again, honesty is good. And, among other things, a great way to understand that every person is complex, conflicted and imperfect. Managing extreme honesty is difficult at first, especially if you don’t like to appear vulnerable or angry (see the example above), but the inevitable growth of trust strengthens almost every aspect of a relationship.
However, trust, like everything in this world, has side effects. He may tease: “Tell me everything! I will understand!”, and then condemn or even reject. Again, many people are excited about the idea of honesty and sincere exchange of opinions, but really want to express only their own emotions, without bothering to tolerate someone else’s. Such a partner, it would seem, wants the unity of souls, but he does not care about your feelings until you follow certain rules of interaction, constantly updated depending on his hypersensitive needs and changing moods.
He is amused by control over the uncontrollable: instead of listening and understanding, he encourages revelations, and then molds insults from your confessions. This is not emotional transparency, but emotional terrorism. He wants a comfortable and obedient partner, not you specifically. The fact that you feel vulnerable with such “honesty” only confirms your adequacy. Trust your intuition. And if he is still talking about the former, that story has not ended, which means there is no space for a new one.
AND WHAT IS REAL HONESTY
When someone hints that his problems are more significant than yours, this is always a wake-up call. In this manner, adults do not talk to each other. Problems, like joys, in a couple should be common and, in the normal course of events, suggest sympathy and a sincere desire to support.
It’s easy to trust someone who demonstrates time and again understanding of your experiences, even if the reasons for them seem like nothing to him. Nothing makes it easier for a partner to express honest emotions than his ability to accept and support these very emotions.
Of course, it is much easier and more interesting to discuss exciting topics with someone who is your intellectual equal. A smart guy, even if he doesn’t understand all the emotional layers of a situation, is able to at least process the logic of what you’re sobbing about right now.
Please don’t become an understanding mom and don’t test your patience. Do not arrange charity where love and understanding were planned. Honesty should work for you first and foremost – forget what you think about him, and instead try to understand how you feel in his company.
Do you know what true love feels like? Relaxation. Here is someone who loves you just the way you are. The dialogue that goes on between you is light and soothing, not pointless and frustrating. Your connection exists for pleasure, harmony and unification, and not for daily provocations and hard work on yourself. Don’t get hung up on a puzzle just because it’s hard and you can’t put it together. Get angry, crucify the pieces around the room and go out the door.