Putting a pause on it: it’s time to sort out the reasons for personal failures
We are entering the third decade of the twenty-first century, having ruthlessly bid farewell to patriarchal prejudice, and most women have no way of making sense of being single. The active search for the other half is considered a reasonable and inspiring activity to which single ladies selflessly devote their free time. As soon as the relationship ended, they rush to the search for a new attachment, although it would be wiser to take time out – to evaluate the experience and active self-development, changing to the better life in all its manifestations.
The first thing to do is to limit the energy you expend in seeking sympathy for how unappreciative and heartbroken you are. By feeding the emotions of anger, resentment, guilt and fear of loneliness, you anchor the subconscious expectation of failure in a new relationship. To make things work out better next time, undo the decadent tactics by spending “bachelor” time on restructuring internal attitudes.
The strategy of active singleness is based on three questions, and while you’re adapting to it, the subject of finding a partner will fade into the background. Someone you really want will pop up when the time is right – and without any unnecessary Tinder moves on your part.
Question 1: What did I do right?
Feelings of guilt (whatever you blame yourself and your ex for) are always toxic for the next relationship – whether you realise it or not. To avoid the effects of emotional poisoning, psychologists recommend a short questionnaire that can be answered in a diary, complete with flowers and smiley faces for a positive reinforcement:
Have past relationships been built on freedom of expression, honesty, open dialogue and mutual respect?
In what ways have you been able to prove yourself better than in previous relationships (talk about openness, trust, communication, love)?
Have you remembered to support each other (to celebrate successes, to encourage, comfort, show appreciation)?
If the answers are mostly positive, congratulate yourself: you are a great partner and you did everything right. You and your ex are just too different, and that’s not easy to understand right away.
Question 2: What mistakes have I made?
Remembering the blunders of past relationships determines patterns of behaviour and specific qualities to rely on (or not) when building a new intimacy. Be honest with yourself to get the most out of your single life, and when dreaming of a promising relationship, visualise it as being free of the problems you’ve experienced.
Ask yourself as you work through your mistakes:
- Do you think you both (or one of you) had too high expectations?
- Was your partnership one-sided – that is, did one of you try harder than the other? How often did you have to make concessions?
- Were you honest with your loved one? Have there been quarrels or scandals that have changed the way you feel about each other? Have you been able to honestly discuss what’s going on?
Question 3: What’s worth learning before getting into a new relationship?
By learning from previous relationships, you can pick up on a similar pattern of events leading to inevitable breakups. Along with understanding cause and effect, you’ll gain access to a shifting approach to personal happiness. This is how the law of vibration works.
The universe is made up of energy vibrating absolutely everything at one frequency or another, including you and me. Thoughts, the subconscious mind and everything that happens to you in life are also energies and vibrations. The frequency of a person’s vibrations depends on what or who they are in contact with at a certain point in their life. If you feel comfortable, then your vibrations are the same.
Your mind is the most powerful tool in the universe because you can change your vibration energy through your thoughts and feelings. It’s certainly not easy, but it’s worth at least trying. Think of yourself as the creator of your own destiny, and then it’s up to you.
In an emotionally healthy relationship, a confident, strong and responsible man is attracted to a woman of similar qualities. In a destructively toxic relationship, the couple converge contrary to the law of vibrations, submitting to insecurity or wanting to avoid boredom, loneliness, judgment of others. Think of yourself as a magnet, radiating attractive power for the right partner and the happy relationship to which you have every right.
Here are some tips to help sort out the subject of new settings:
- Get rid of the self-deprecating and negative emotions that drive you in circles, attracting the same kind of men who can’t make you happy.
- Adjust your circle of friends, preferring those in front of whom you don’t have to be ashamed of your interests, weaknesses and shortcomings, and who help you believe in yourself and maintain emotional harmony.
- Under no circumstances should you betray your self-respect and moral principles for the sake of someone else, even the most handsome prince.
Your mind may have already determined some clarity about what you want from your next relationship. But the thing is, a conscious approach only works on a superficial level. If you really want to increase your chances of happiness, unlink the future with the emotions experienced in the past.
Dream of the future with faith and positivity, wholeheartedly wish for more and better, don’t project the fears you’ve acquired from experience into the future. Yes, they live only in your head, but they do not go away by themselves. If you do not make an effort, pain, anger, resentment, stuck in the subconscious, sooner or later will raise ugly heads. Getting rid of them with the ruthlessness of the Witcher is the best success-oriented strategy.