Five minutes of rest and back into battle? Mountains of broken dishes, a sea of tears and a voice hoarse from screaming … Is there a future for couples fighting day and night?
“This probably happens when a tornado meets a volcano,” – the words from the song of Rihanna and Eminem perfectly describe the relationship in a couple, where quarrels are commonplace. And the video for this song clearly shows what it is like for a guy and a girl who are constantly at war with each other. In the video, everything ends not too optimistically, but in life such couples have a chance (and not bad) to develop more positive relationships.
In the meantime … both seem to be suffering. But what kind of dependence is this – there is no way for two of us, and it is impossible without each other? And along with this, for sure, everyone feels how fatigue accumulates from the constant showdown. Both want a quiet life and pleasant contacts without raising their voices. And there is no escape from many questions: what will happen next? Where does this relationship lead? Do they have a future? And if there is, what will happen when the children appear?
Sweet reconciliation, unchanging (but always broken) vows never to quarrel again, and even joint plans for the future do not help to avoid scandals. In general, everyone understands: we need to do something about these constant quarrels. But what?
First of all, we are in a hurry to add a large spoonful of honey to a barrel of ointment – for such temperamental people, violent outbursts are associated not only with clashes. Chances are, you and your partner won’t get bored in the bedroom either.
Another ladle of honey – since you are together, and even so sharply react to each other, it means that you and your partner have strong enough feelings. Otherwise, one of you in a similar situation would have collected things long ago and went in search of your new soul mate.
And, finally, here is a whole bucket of honey in a barrel of ointment – such a relationship has a future! Everything is in your hands, you just have to try.
So, the will – into a fist! We act!
Feel like you are boiling? Stop mentally and think: what exactly caused a storm of emotions in you? Surely you will understand that it is not your partner who is to blame for everything, but, for example, the fact that he just fell under the hot hand when you could not get the coveted stunning hairstyle. And since the reason is not in him, maybe it is not worth continuing the quarrel?
Well, after some unflattering words about your new chic shoes, are you ready to go off again? Take a breath and calmly (as far as possible) say: “I am not ready to discuss this now. Let’s postpone the discussion until tomorrow. ” Such a pause will help you cool down, pull yourself together and not bring the matter to a scandal with unpleasant statements like “Have you seen your new haircut in the mirror at all ?!”
Feeling that your significant other is out of sorts and is trying to provoke a fight? Don’t fall for this game: speak in a calm but confident tone. Ignore the attacks.
Talk about your feelings. Don’t like his sarcastic tone? Tell me about it. Tired after work, and then the young man is not in the mood? Explain that you have had a difficult day and that all you need now is understanding and affection. Surely after that, he will change his tone to a more pleasant one for you.
Always remember: you are not rivals or opponents. Yes, you sometimes fight, but you fight on the same side. After all, none of you will be happy if this relationship falls apart.
Since you have so much energy that you usually waste on scandals, maybe it makes sense to channel it in a more appropriate direction? For example, joining a gym together is good for your health. Or organize a joint production of decorative plates.
Can’t find a joint activity? Then take your soul mate straight to the bedroom, where you will definitely come up with something. And look there often.
“Mom, he called me a dog!” – an anecdote about how you can inflate an indecent insult from the phrase “Darling, you’re wrong” is familiar to many. From the outside, everything looks comical. But in reality, the habit of constantly winding yourself up can be classified as harmful, since it negatively affects the health of the nervous system. And not only yours. Therefore, you should not dwell on unpleasant words thrown by your partner in the heat of the moment. And even more so to look for hidden meaning in them. He doesn’t really think so. And he said so many things just to get you emotional.
Try to understand your partner. Your soulmate may have a headache, he may, just like you, be tired or simply be hungry (and for young people this simply gives a colossal charge of negativity). All this needs to be made allowance and sympathy.
Don’t make excuses. Yes, when you are accused of something, it often seems logical to start explaining that your
Aren is wrong – you are not so bad. And you examined that pumped-up broad-shouldered guy for five whole minutes just because he was standing next to him. But with such behavior on your part, do not be surprised that the conversation constantly takes a not very pleasant direction: accusations pour in, without stopping, you blush, get lost and do not know what to answer. And the quarrel is gaining momentum.
So do not deny: that handsome man was really looked at. A whole five minutes. Our nature is arranged in this way – we simply cannot ignore attractive people. Is it possible that only men can use such an argument?
Advice is not easy to follow. As you know, the most difficult work is working on yourself, on relationships. It is difficult, of course, to immediately start behaving differently, because you could start scandals for many years, even over trifles. But (let it be just one more small spoonful of honey) the habit is formed for at least three weeks. Hold on for this time, and it will definitely be easier.