The life of a couple is rarely like a quiet backwater, but if one of the two “stumbled”, then how to distinguish between an accidental mistake and deliberate deception? And how to regain trust in a relationship?
Jealousy for a loved one, as psychologists confirm, is one of the most ordinary and normal human feelings. But, of course, this does not apply to acute painful jealousy – it causes suffering and destroys the soul. In his book The Art of Love, sexologist Gerard Lele suggests that you first of all turn to yourself in order to find strength and regain trust in relationships.
The one on whom jealousy falls, is ready to destroy everyone in pain – the wrong partner, himself, the rival and the cause of his torment … But most importantly, he is ready to destroy love – a feeling, the main force of which, on the contrary, is to fill us with life.
RISE ABOVE YOURSELF
If the specific circumstances allow this – the “guilty” says that he sincerely regrets his mistake and wants to keep the relationship, the only way out of the situation is to try to rise higher – to return to the original, true love, which gives itself selflessly. Treason hurts and torments us so much because we are “taken away” from a person who, as we unwittingly believe, belongs to us. But none of us can be the “possessions” of the other. To love another person means first of all to wish him well and love him free.
RECOGNIZE YOUR FEELINGS
There is no point in closing your eyes and pretending nothing happened. To understand how to regain trust in a relationship, first of all, you need to acknowledge your pain and resentment – and clearly tell your partner about your feelings. Always say in the first person: “I feel injustice”, “I find it hard to believe”, “I am in great pain.” Real forgiveness is not self-sacrifice or giving up your own worth. This is always a deliberate and difficult job for the good of two.
OVERCOMING LONG FEARS
Cheating always hurts our ego and revives old, perhaps childhood wounds: a lack of parental love, a keen sense of defenselessness, an infant fear of rejection and being lost in loneliness. To take the position of a strong adult – as we are – and return to today, it is necessary to listen to and pacify these “voices from the past” – this can be helped by a conversation with a good psychologist.
REVISE RELATIONSHIP IN A PAIR
Cheating can be a very dramatic episode in the life of two, but in no case should it automatically be considered the end of a relationship with a partner. Yes, in some ways it undermines trust in another – after all, “loyalty” and “trust” even in our language have a common root. To overcome this difficult stage, the most important thing is to treat it as a test that gives you a chance to reconsider your relationship, understand what exactly is going wrong in them, and ultimately, having changed, make them more mature and stronger.