Four steps to a happy relationship
Stop feeling sorry for yourself
First, you should stop feeling sorry for yourself endlessly. Much has been said about the victim complex, but still some people – often unconsciously – experience dubious pleasure in embarking on the path of the sufferer, whom “everyone owes.” Of course, it is always sad if a romantic story did not end in the most successful way, but you need to know when to stop any sadness. It is important not only to stop blaming the world for your problems, but also to learn to take responsibility for your own actions, to be able to analyse them. After all, unless we take exceptional cases, there are no situations where only one partner is to blame for the breakup. Realizing this, you can not only act wiser next time, but also grow in your own eyes: yes, I made a mistake, not everything is perfect, but this is my life, and it is in my power to change it for the better.
Understand your goal
The next important step is to think about what goal do you pursue by entering into this or that relationship? Here it is important for a person to be honest with himself and not engage in self-deception. Of course, most people claim that they want a family and be with a partner until the day they die, however, if you look deeply inside yourself, you may find out that this is not entirely true, and in fact it was just a romantic adventure that was required, and not something else. And there is no need to be afraid of your desires: the accumulation of experience and getting pleasure are also worthy goals. Thinking about this, you can come to a very comforting conclusion that you are suffering in vain after breaking up: what if you have already received from this situation everything that you subconsciously planned?
Analyse your failures
However, there always comes a moment when a truly strong relationship becomes the goal. In this situation, the most important thing is to sit down and analyse the mistakes made in the course of previous hobbies. And here there are a lot of options, the way out of which is purely individual. Someone should be more attentive to their future partner, someone, on the contrary, to free him from their care – the options can be listed endlessly. In order to have more chances of “salvation” from the vicious circle of mistakes, it is worth analysing not only your love stories, but also the relationship of parents, because we all get the experience of family life from them. And remember, if you cannot solve this problem yourself (and even with the help of friends and “exes” with whom you have normal relations), there is nothing shameful in seeking help from a psychologist – on the contrary, it will be a logical and correct step.
Change the perception of the situation
Finally, when the bulk of the work has been done and you are ready for new searches, it is important not to take what is happening too seriously, because obsession does not help, but interferes, making the person nervous and make new mistakes. Therefore, acquaintances should be treated as a pleasant pastime, enjoying flirting, and not immediately rushed into the pool with your head. Life is long, so do not convince yourself that “this is my last chance.” Mutual love, of course, is an important thing, but not everything is limited to it, and you must be able to get pleasure from life in any situation – and the rest will come.