Dealing with experts
Five minutes of rest and back to the fight? Mountains of broken dishes, a sea of tears and a voice hoarse from screaming … Is there a future for couples quarreling all day and night long?
“This probably happens when a tornado meets a volcano,” the words from the song of Rihanna and Eminem perfectly describe the relationship in a couple where quarrels are commonplace. And the video for this song clearly shows what it is like for a guy and a girl who are constantly at war with each other. In the video, everything ends not too optimistic, but in life, such couples have a chance (and a good one) to develop a more positive relationship.
In the meantime … It seems that both are suffering. But what kind of dependence is this – and there is no way together, and it is impossible without each other? And along with this, for sure, everyone feels how tired it is accumulating from the constant showdown. Both want a quiet life and pleasant contacts without raising their voices. And there is no escape from the many questions: what will happen next? What are these relationships leading to? Do they have a future? And if there is, what will happen when the children appear?
Do not help to avoid scandals and sweet reconciliation, and unchanging (but always broken) vows never to quarrel again, and even joint plans for the future. In general, everyone understands: something needs to be done about these constant quarrels. But what?
First of all, we are in a hurry to add a big spoonful of honey to the barrel of tar – in such temperamental people, violent outbursts are associated not only with skirmishes. Most likely, you and your partner will not be bored in the bedroom either.
Another ladle of honey – since you are together, and even react so sharply to each other, it means that you and your partner have quite strong feelings. Otherwise, one of you in a similar situation would have packed up a long time ago and went in search of your new soulmate.
And, finally, here is a whole bucket of honey in a barrel of tar – such a relationship has a future! Everything is in your hands, you just have to try.
So, will – in a fist! Let’s act!
- Do you feel like you’re boiling over? Mentally stop and think: what exactly caused a storm of emotions in you? Surely you will understand that it’s not your partner’s fault, but, for example, that he just fell under a hot hand when you couldn’t get the coveted stunning hairstyle. And since the reason is not in him, maybe it’s not worth continuing the quarrel?
- Well, after unflattering words about your new chic shoes, are you ready to break loose again? Take a breath and calmly (as far as possible) say: “I’m not ready to discuss this now. Let’s postpone the discussion until tomorrow.” Such a pause will help you cool down, pull yourself together and not bring things to a scandal with unpleasant statements like “Have you ever seen your new haircut in the mirror ?!”
- Do you feel that your significant other is not in a good mood and is trying to provoke a quarrel? Do not fall for this game: speak in a calm but confident tone. Ignore attacks.
- Talk about your feelings. Don’t like his caustic tone? Tell me about it. Tired after work, and then the young man is not in the mood? Explain that you had a difficult day and all you need now is understanding and affection. Surely after that he will change his tone to a more pleasant one for you.
- Always remember: you are not rivals or adversaries. Yes, you sometimes fight, but you fight on the same side. After all, none of you will be happy if this relationship falls apart.
- Since you have so much energy that you usually spend on scandals, maybe it makes sense to direct it in a more appropriate direction? For example, sign up for a gym together – it’s also good for health. Or organize a joint production of decorative plates.
- Can’t find a joint activity? Then take your soulmate straight to the bedroom, there you will definitely come up with something. And look there more often.
- “Mom, he called me a dog!” – an anecdote about how you can inflate an indecent insult from the phrase “Honey, you’re wrong” is familiar to many. From the outside, everything looks comical. But in reality, the habit of constantly winding yourself up can be classified as detrimental, since it negatively affects the health of the nervous system. And not only yours. Therefore, you should not get hung up on the unpleasant words thrown by the partner in the heat of the moment. And even more so to look for hidden meanings in them. He doesn’t really think so. And he said so much just to bring you to emotions.
- Try to understand your partner. Your soulmate may have a headache, he may be tired just like you, or just be hungry (and for young people this gives just a huge charge of negativity). All this needs to be discounted and sympathetic.
- Don’t make excuses. Yes, when you are accused of something, it often seems quite logical to start explaining that your boyfriend is wrong – you are not so bad. And that beefy, broad-shouldered guy you examined for five whole minutes just because he was standing next to you. But with this behavior on your part, do not be surprised that the conversation constantly takes a not very pleasant direction: accusations pour in without stopping, you blush, get lost and do not know what to answer. And the fight is escalating. So do not deny: that handsome man was really looked at. A whole five minutes. Our nature is arranged in such a way that we simply cannot ignore attractive people. But what if such an argument can only be used by men?
Following advice is not easy. As you know, the most difficult work is work on yourself, on relationships. It is difficult, of course, to start acting differently right away, because you could start scandals for many years even over trifles. But (let it be another small spoonful of honey) the habit is formed for at least three weeks. Hold out for this time, and then it will definitely be easier.