What to talk about in order to understand whether it is worth continuing this story
The first date is always a challenge, no matter how pleasant and desirable the person with whom the meeting is scheduled may be. So, what should be asked to understand if this story is worth continuing?
You worry not only about what to wear and how to look, but also about topics for conversation. It is important to remember that a date is not an interrogation or an interview – it is not a good idea to bombard a guy with questions from a list that you have made in advance. Focus on having a great time and enjoying the conversation, and save Sherlock Holmes-style investigating the details for later.
According to surveys, women on the first date most often ask questions to support a sluggish conversation, and men – when they have nothing to say. In fact, the right topics help to reveal even carefully hidden character traits, turning a date into an interesting dialogue. Here are a few rules to follow so that events develop in a way that is interesting for you.
FIND THE SITUATION
On a date, a lot depends on the situation. If you go to an art gallery, you can talk about your favorite artists and creative hobbies, and going to the cinema suggests a topic for discussing your favorite films. The most difficult thing is a walk or a cafe, but even here you can get out by discussing, for example, your favorite food.
ASK SIMPLE BUT TELLING QUESTIONS
It would seem that there is nothing interesting in the question “do you like to travel”? But in fact, the theme of travel perfectly reveals the character. Imagine you are discussing summer and the sea, telling how you love outdoor activities, and your interlocutor considers the choice of dishes and alcohol at all inclusive resorts to be the main criterion. Mismatch, right? The directions of vacation tours can also tell about the financial situation and cultural needs of the one who invited you on a date. Don’t bother your brain with convoluted clues, lead it to the right topic with direct and simple questions.
TALK ABOUT IMPORTANT
The banal question “what is important for you in life” will reveal him (and you) from an interesting side. Asking on the first date about plans for the family and children is an unconditional bad manners, but it is quite possible to touch on topics that are close in meaning, for example, asking questions about his parents and siblings. By the way, the stereotype that family and children come first for a woman, and a career for a man, has long been a thing of the past, so you should not portray solidarity with the “Stepford Wives Club”. Also keep in mind that every adult has a certain background that affects the priorities in the present, but this does not mean that in a couple of years they (priorities) can change. It is possible that meeting with you will radically change his worldview.
DON’T PROVOKE AND BE HONEST
There are a lot of tips on how to communicate on a first date on the Web with a variety of examples, most of which literally bring cheekbones, and a considerable part is built on provocation. Do not use cheap tricks in communicating with a guy – tricky questions can simply offend a person. Don’t show off or be mean – be sincere, be yourself, and don’t conform to his expectations or mood.
BE TACTICAL AND POLITE
Have you heard of empathy and emotional intelligence? Try to put yourself in the place of your interlocutor: do you like your own questions and, most importantly, are they appropriate? If you see that some topic causes a guy obvious discomfort, he avoids answering or openly declares that he is not ready to discuss it, treat it with respect and draw conclusions for the future. Do not ask questions directly and do not touch on too personal topics: after all, you are on a first date, and not on your wedding anniversary.
DO NOT JUDGE THE INTERVIEWER’S ANSWERS
It is important not only to ask the right question, but also to respond adequately. If your interlocutor loves olives, and you can’t stand them, you shouldn’t express your contempt for them artistically and in colors. The same can be said about life priorities: there is no need to condemn a person whose interests and life position differ from yours. In the end, he does not owe you anything, and the first date is just a rehearsal for your further communication.